I have a few issues about why I no longer derive any fun from Halloween that I feel I should share with you all. It's amateur night. It's for people who have no reason to dress up and not be themselves in their daily life. I have plenty of reason to do that and I get paid for it. When I want to escape, I'd rather take a vacation. It's culturally disgusting when you're in your late twenties or early thirties, in the same way that St. Patrick's Day is: an exhausting excuse for excess created (in modern times) by mealy-mouthed religious kids rebelling against their strict upbringing before going back to the church. I'm over my party years, really, and I don't need to dress up like a slut just a couple times a year. Seriously, I get cast as prostitutes all the time.
It's icky if you look at kids, too, but then I came from a family where my mom made all my costumes. One year I went as a fire lizard and when I was 10 I went as a student from Tiananmen Square.
But, okay, I admit it, I'm dressing up this year. Why? Because Ava will dress me, and she's fun and has good taste. Because I don't have to put any effort into it whatsoever except showing up. I'm fine with that. Really.
She's dressing me as Lizzie Borden. With a rhinestone axe.
Or maybe I should just be a frog.
Lizzie Borden took an axe
And gave her mother forty whacks.
And when she saw what she had done
She gave her father forty-one.
