Not much going on today. I am too lazy or too depressed or too unfocused to upload the picture of the gloves, although I did discover the difficulty inherent in a right-hand-dominant person taking a picture of a glove that in on one's own right hand.
My insomnia seems to peak during one of two times of the year. I think we're in that time now. Twice this week I have laid down to sleep and gotten up 45 minutes or so later. Last night I got to sleep on my second try, around 4:30am.
I have been writing some during these times, though. I've barely been able to put a sentence together in the last year but I've written a few pages of dialogue and notes and such. I have a couple things gestating; it's been too full of a year to be able to process much until now.
I think that I also, for the most part, hate theater people. This might be (probably is) nasty emotional detritus left over from this spring, but still*. Mr. ARS once told me that, in his opinion, I wasn't an actor at all, but a writer. Keep in mind that he never saw me act, although he had a great deal of respect for me as a writer if not as an actor (or a person). Anyway, I have an awful fear that, ultimately, this will prove true, and I am sick with the notion that I will never perform again. However, I have been toying with the idea that, maybe, I'm a solo artist, and that's all it is. I don't play well with others**. Not that I'm an utter social maladroit. Merely a partial one.
Or I could just be in a complete funk (read: depressed) on account of the recent bout with not leaving the house, which in turn is on account of the high winds and flooding rains of the past two days. It's dark all the time.
But I did get paid! I did a nice custom order for a lady in Chicago: an over-elbow pair of fingerless gauntlets (hand-dyed, fair-trade Suri alpaca, vintage buttons and ribbon) for her 22-year-old daughter's Hanukkah and received her check and thank-you note today. She purposefully overpaid me, as well. That made me feel a hell of a lot better; apparently I am not yet completely worthless in the eyes of American capitalism!
Man, I gotta ease up on myself.
*James maintains that "yeah, but still" is the ultimate end to an unwinnable argument, the final, desperate gambit when you know you have been proved wrong but are just too contrary to admit it. It is a common phrase in our household.
**This is an awful pun. I'm sorry. Completely unintentional.
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2 comments:
I really don't like theatre people either. But I don't have a great skill like writing to fall back on.
I've been battling a recent problem of the show that I am so excited for - we had our first cast meeting, watched the movie, got measured- then the pot came out. Seriously? My mom said as least it wasn't coke. But really, I didn't leave this scene just to jump back into what I hated about it.
I really feel like many "theatre" people are just spoiled brats playing at being grown-ups.
But then again, I'm a little judgmental.
Ugh. Seriously! I don't care what people do on their own time, but this is *your* time: professional time. I got *real* tired of being the police officer at my last company, which meant I enforced the laws that the Liquor Control Board and Fire Dept. could shut us down for; they do that in spades in this town, you know. This also meant that I had to be the bad guy when I was cleaning up other people's messes, but I also had to smooth things over.
I dunno. I'm seriously looking into writing experimental music or something just to get my performance rocks off. Then I could do my work in more privacy. And I don't think I can run someone else's company ever again.
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